Stop Negative Financial Self-Talk Before It Stops You

There’s a verse I come back to a lot: “Just as a tiny rudder controls the direction of a ship, the tongue directs the body.” James 3:4,5.

The versions differ, but the point is the same. The words we use — out loud and inside our own heads — steer us. I didn’t always think of it in financial terms. I first learned it as a dad.

When my sons were growing up, if I overheard one of them say something like “I’m so stupid” or “Why does this always happen to me,” I stopped them on the spot. Right then. I told them to notice what they just said, and to STOP. That kind of negative self-talk isn’t just unpleasant to hear. It programs your mind to believe it. And when your mind believes it, it tends to make it true.

That lesson applies to your money. And I see it play out every single week in my office.

The Things I Hear in Client Meetings

Over 25-plus years of sitting across from people and talking about their finances, I’ve heard every flavor of financial negativity. Here’s a sampling:

• “I will never be able to retire.”
• “My boss is a jerk.”
• “I hate my job.”
• “They don’t pay me enough.”
• “I’ll never be out of debt.”
• “My ex put the screws to me and I can never recover.”

And lately, with everything going on:

• “Inflation is crazy high — how do they expect us to live?”
• “Gas prices are ridiculous.”
• “Interest rates are so high, how are we supposed to get ahead?”

You get the picture. And you’re probably guilty yourself. As we all are. Even some pastor clients of mine slip now and then — we’re only human.

Some of this comes from real hardship. I’m not dismissing the pain behind any of it. But here’s what I’ve noticed after 25 years: these statements, repeated often enough, become a worldview. And a worldview that says I’ll never retire is a worldview that stops trying.

What I Do About It

The answer isn’t toxic positivity. I’m not going to tell you to slap a vision board on the refrigerator and think your way to a comfortable retirement.

What I’m going to tell you is this: Let me run the numbers.

Don’t let a story you’re telling yourself — one that might be flat wrong — substitute for actual planning. Let me see if your tax rate is really as brutal as you think. Let me look at your income gap. Let me run projections on whether that debt is surmountable or whether the math is as bad as you fear.

If it doesn’t look good, I will 100% tell you. I won’t sugarcoat it. Then we roll up our sleeves, address the issues, and correct course. Then we review regularly and make sure you’re staying on it.

On the other hand — and I say this to clients all the time — if you’re already on course? Trust my judgment. Stop worrying and Live On.

In both scenarios, the negative self-talk has to go. It does zero good. What’s the point? Are you trying to get people to feel sorry for you? Are you looking for pity?

Truthfully — why do we think, talk, even act negatively? Let’s recognize it when we do. And all do less of it. Deal?

Here’s What I Know

The market goes up and the market goes down. Inflation is real. So is your resilience. The difference between the clients who retire well and the ones still saying “someday” at 70 is rarely the numbers — it’s usually the story they’ve been telling themselves for 20 years.

Don’t let words do the damage before the math ever gets a chance. Call the office. Let me run it. You might be a lot closer to a happy retirement than you think.